When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry: Understanding Depression This Season

The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” The lights, gatherings, and traditions are meant to bring joy; yet for many people, this time of year feels emotionally draining or deeply painful. If you’re struggling with sadness, irritability, or a sense of emptiness while everyone around you seems festive, you’re far from alone.

The truth is, holiday depression is common and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Why Depression Can Feel Worse During the Holidays

Depression doesn’t pause for the holidays. In fact, several factors can make symptoms worse:

• Unrealistic expectations: The cultural narrative of “perfect holidays” can leave many people feeling like they’re failing when reality doesn’t match the ideal.

• Loneliness or loss: The holidays can highlight grief, distance from loved ones, or relational disconnection. Missing someone, whether through death, estrangement, or change, can resurface intense emotions.

• Financial stress: The pressure to spend, give, and host can amplify anxiety, guilt, or feelings of inadequacy.

• Overstimulation or isolation: Some people feel socially overwhelmed, while others face loneliness. Both extremes can worsen mood instability.

• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Reduced daylight can affect serotonin and melatonin levels, leading to fatigue, low mood, and disrupted sleep patterns.

Recognizing the Signs of Holiday Depression

Depression can look different from person to person, but common signs around the holidays include:

• Feeling persistently sad, empty, or hopeless

• Irritability or emotional numbness

• Changes in appetite (overeating or loss of appetite)

• Low motivation or withdrawal from social connections

• Trouble concentrating or making decisions

• Physical fatigue or disrupted sleep

• Guilt, shame, or feelings of worthlessness

• Tearfulness, especially when reflecting on the past or loved ones

• Using substances or overworking to escape difficult emotions

  
  

When these symptoms last more than two weeks or significantly interfere with daily functioning, it may be more than just “holiday stress.” It may be depression, and it’s treatable.

How Therapy Helps: Boundaries, Self-Compassion, and Emotional Regulation

At Perennial Wellness, we often help clients navigate this season by focusing on realistic boundaries and authentic self-care, NOT forced positivity. Here’s how therapy can make a difference:

1. Learning to Set and Hold Boundaries

Many people feel obligated to say “yes” to everything during the holidays. The gatherings, gift exchanges, hosting duties, or emotional caretaking of others. Therapy can help you:

• Identify where overcommitment is draining you.

• Learn how to say no without guilt.

• Build scripts for difficult conversations (for example, declining invitations or setting limits with family).

• Practice holding boundaries even when others don’t respond well.

Healthy boundaries protect your emotional energy and create space for genuine connection instead of resentment or burnout.

2. Managing Guilt and People-Pleasing

Depression and guilt often go hand in hand. In therapy, we explore where that guilt comes from — often internalized beliefs about what you “should” be doing and replace it with realistic expectations and self-compassion.

You can learn to recognize that your needs are not selfish. They’re human.

3. Regulating Emotions and Navigating Grief

The holidays can bring up complex emotions like sadness, anger, or grief even alongside moments of happiness. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to process those emotions, understand their roots, and develop grounding strategies to cope in the moment.

4. Building a Healthier Relationship With the Season

Therapy can help you redefine what the holidays mean for you, not what they’re “supposed” to be. Together, we help you create intentional rituals that align with your values and emotional needs rather than social pressure or obligation.

Taking Care of Yourself This Season

Even small acts of self-care can help support your mental health:

• Simplify your commitments — choose quality over quantity.

• Create new traditions that reflect your current stage of life.

• Prioritize rest and nourishment.

• Seek sunlight or light therapy if you experience low mood during darker months.

• Reach out for support when things feel heavy — you don’t have to face it alone.

  
  

You Don’t Have to “Fake Cheer” to Belong

There’s no rule that says you have to feel cheerful to deserve connection or peace. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is to let your feelings exist without trying to change them.

The holidays can be complex and full of mixed emotions, expectations, and memories that don’t always bring comfort. It’s normal for this season to feel heavier than it looks from the outside.

At Perennial Wellness, we work with people who are moving through those experiences navigating depression, grief, anxiety, and relationship strain. Together, we focus on setting boundaries that protect your energy, making space for what’s meaningful, and approaching this time of year with gentleness instead of pressure.